Cybersex, Continued

Online Interactions

Cyber passion, jealousy, obsession, and anger are not shadow versions of their real-life counterparts. They're equals in strength and depth of feeling, since they trigger the same emotional states. A major part of relationships exists only in our minds, so we can become obsessed with someone we've never met, possibly someone whose appearance, age, or gender we can't verify. Our hot spots and sore spots arise from our subconscious. Our passions are sparked, to some degree, by ourselves.

All social situations combine our inner and outer worlds, but cyberspace provides an especially versatile medium for externalizing the internal. The motivation behind online actions comes from within each individual. Sometimes I feel a need to belong to a family or community. Sometimes I'm driven to bond romantically with one person. And sometimes murderous rage arises in response to an innocent remark made by a stranger in a newsgroup. My emotional reactions have little to do with others -- they come from the previous events in my life that make me "me." My behaviors in virtual relationships follow patterns I've established in real-life, some imprinted during childhood.

I know well the passion and obsession that can come from growing attached to a name on the screen. It's very real and compelling. More than once, I've been devastated by the loss of a Net love. At other times, only proximity has stopped me from rushing out and tearing the clothes off of a man I met on the Net.

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